We are One-Reader X (Erwin,Levi,Sasha,AME Trio)

Sometimes, you wondered what is true happiness.
You felt light most of the time- if not just normal. Like you were always feeling..neutral most of the time. 
Sometimes the occasional leap in your heart would lead you to either a soaring feeling, or a tumbling feeling, or a drowning feeling. 
But there were so many times while in the Survey Corps when you would hear about this mysterious thing called 'Happiness'- an elusive feeling that many capture a glimpse of for a few seconds or a few days until its dashed away from them. 

Just a three days ago, you came back from the battlefields; you were spared the physical pain, but the emotional pains- you certainly weren't. You crawled out of bed just as the sun was peaking over the horizon and Wall Rose. Slipping on your uniform and straps, you made your way downstairs, creaked open the gates and jogged over to the mass cremation spires. There was still ashes from the days past, and the air still hung of death. 
You knelt to the ground, rubbing your finger tips in the ashes as you blew them off into the morning breeze. 
Pertra. Oulo. Gunther. Eld. 
They are so young. They are so free. 
"At least you are free now. Fly out. Mungu baraka.*" you murmured with a smile as you felt a ghostly breeze caress your cheek and stroke your (h/c) ponytail. 
See you again. Someday. My beloved friend.  

You turned, realising that you failed to notice Squad Leader Hanji, Commander Erwin, and Captain Levi were standing just a few feet away, staring down at the spires with seriousness plastered on their faces; a potion of melancholy, defeat, grief, and weariness swirled in their eyes. 
"God, what am I going to tell their families...I promised that I'd keep them safe...I.."
Hanji laid a hand on Levi's shoulders. 
"You did what you could, Captain." Erwin stoically repeated. This wasn't the first time Levi heard his commander use those words; many times over he heard him say that to other Squad leaders past, and to other soldier's. But to him, now, and to the team who had been with him for longer than he could remember? 

"Erwin, I swore an oath to myself and to my dear friends that I'd protect them, not endanger them like this. I thought...I thought they'd be fine...but.." 

You stared on, their words reverberating in your ears. Your eyes expanded and it felt like rain drops pattering down the side of your face and on your jacket as you listened. 

"...It was like back then...Farlan...Isabel...I..I was.." 
You stood up, the gravel under your feet grabbing their attention. It felt like a heartbeat when you embraced all three of them at once, and rubbed your ash-ridden hands on their backs. 

"You did nothing wrong, Sir. You only knew what you knew back then. Know that they weren't alone when they died- know that they died happy, and that they are not mad at you. I know it because they were so loyal to you, and they loved you sir. Please don't beat yourself up about it." you mumbled into Levi's temple. You felt a calloused hand tighten around your harness tighter and a heaving body. 

You returned in silence, even Hanji was OOC. And it felt just strange- and for some reason, you felt a tug up your cheek as you entered the hall with the other solemn soldiers. Some were crying upon the shoulders of comrades; Eren's fists were clenched in a tight fist around his green cloak with Mikasa and Armin at his side. 

Your footsteps echoed around the castle as you headed out to the kitchen for a light snack. Turning the corner, you caught a small glance through the doors of an office- Erwin and Levi's. It was eerily lifeless in there; save a couch and two desks and neat piles of death notices. Some were tainted in blood, while others...were crinkled from an unknown liquid. But what caught your eyes the most was the portraits on the wall- each of them were the faces of those who were part of Levi's team. The details were incredible- Petra's dimples, Oulo's smug mug, Gunther's goatee, Eld's frown. They seemed to be alive and staring at the audience in their own quirky compassionate ways.
You sniffed the air- your eyes widening and mouth agape.
Paint.
It was the smell of paint. And those portraits...Did Levi paint them? You kept looking around, until you heard a pair of boots stop behind you.  
"Cadet (f/n), what do you think you are doing in my office?" 
"Sir, these are beautiful."
"What about it, brat?" 
"Sir, you should display these outside." you smiled, turning around to Levi. 
"Tch, why?" 
You smiled. 
"Because, you should be proud of them. They deserve to be remembered as our heroes. They certainly made it on my list of heroes."
He was silent for a while, his brows and corners of his lips twitching. 

"You dirtied my cloak." 
You could only smile harder. "Maybe its something to think about"
"hmm?" 
"Putting up the portraits in the halls. I mean, you can't really commemorate and immortalize a hero if no one knows about them."
You swore you saw the Captain flash a subtle grin before he closed off again.
"Um, what was I...Oh yeah. Please excuse me."
You quickly dashed out of the office, down the hall and towards the kitchen.
The kitchen- it was as quiet as ever at this hour, except for Sasha. 
You cleared your throat which earned a terrified shriek and a scattering of mini baguettes. 
"Oh! (f/n) You gave me a fright, what for!?" 
You came over and helped her pick up the loaves, your eyes enchanted by this moment.
"Tough week, eh?..Hey (f/N) are you alright?" 
"I guess.." you heaved, turning to Sasha. She held your hand and smiled a little. 
"Hey, you wanna head back to our room?" 
"...I'll bring the cheese." 
Sasha smiled and hugged you. 
"Maybe just this once I'll do something stupid."
"You know (f/n) the reason why I like doing these stupid things is because you'll never know if this will be your last." 
"And I have to concur with this." came a baritone voice, and the clunking of wine glasses and a champagne bottle.  

"Sir, what was it like when you were a cadet?" you just asked. 
"...Young, foolish, curious. I never knew how precious my life was until...its nothing really."
You looked out to the horizon; where the moon was starting to rise and the air grew relaxed and cool. 
"Until?"
He placed a gloved hand on Sasha and your shoulder, gently pulling both of you close to him.
"You cadets, reminded me of the time when Commander Dok and I used to be in the Cadets. All you your young, youthful, and ambitious faces reminded me of those times when we wanted life to pass us by fast so we could get to our life objectives."
Commander Dok....Commander of the Military Police? They used to be friends? What happened to that?
The courtroom scene. When you saw them exchanging cordial gazes across a chasm. Their stares seemed absolutely lifeless compared to what Erwin recounted.  
He heaved a heavy sigh as if being in this moment made him...experience something he could almost never have. 
"You cadets; all bright and ambitious. You are like the family I'll never have. It..truly breaks me to send you off to battle in the chance that you may not make it back. Anyone of you. Anyone of my men and women. I feel so...ashamed and guilty. It like I had to send my own family to die for me when I should be protecting them, and-oh, look at me rambling on." 

"Sir, we all have our moments," you encouraged ", its okay to feel bad. As a commander it is your job, but really, sir in this moment, I felt like I know so much more about the man behind the legend. And you know what, I am glad for one thing." 
"What may that be?" 
"You are human, and a caring man. A good man, well, a good man in my books." 
You swallowed the baguette lump in your mouth.
"To me, you're like our father- encouraging us to do our best even if it meant the death of us. We all know what we are signing up for, and that you may send us to the hands of fate. But in all, what I find most special and meaningful is stuff like this. Here in the fortress- even cleaning up with Captain Levi- I think every moment I get to spend time with anyone is something with purpose."
You smiled as a tear rolled down your cheek from this beautiful moment of personal epiphany.
"Hm? You're crying?" asked Sasha.
"You're right. Life is beautiful. Its what you make of it and what you see. And I see moments with my friends, and simple moments doing something meaningful and with a purpose, makes me so alive. I don't have to have a lifetime to have my happiness. It's right here before me. I just haven't been looking hard enough." you wept.  
"..wow I didn't know you were this emotional." gulped Sasha. 
"Cool story (f/n)!" came a new voice. 
"Mr Springer! How wonderful for you to join us!" Erwin invited the other Cadet to join the picnic.
"Dude, that was an epic monologue. Where did you come up with that?"
"Today. I realised that although our loved ones are gone, they still burn brightly and alive in the meaningful memories we had of them. We must carry their flame on in what we do to honour them and pay tribute to what they have given up for us. They deserve it."